Sunrise Avenue: Finding My Whitespace

Today I want to join up with a lovely new community dedicated to finding our personal whitespace and telling our stories. I just finished reading "Finding Spiritual Whitespace" by Bonnie Gray. It is set to release the first week of June and I am waiting so share my full review until then. Now, however, I want to share just one way the book has impacted my life. I will start with some of Gray's own words from the book, found on page 49:

Finding spiritual whitespace isn't about carving out an hour of time to escape the things that stress us.

It's the opposite. It's getting away from everything we do to distract ourselves from all the hidden pieces--in order to nurture our soul. It's getting away from the lie that spiritual rest is something we have to work hard at in order to get closer to God.

Spiritual whitespace moves us away from making spiritual rest an activity to please God, instead of enjoying his comfort and pleasure.

Spiritual rest is a journal of awakening our hearts to fully receive.

For a long time my life just was. I didn't realize how bad it was. Who realizes what they are living isn't normal if they have never experienced 'normal'? And my life wasn't, and isn't, bad per se. My family are all alive and healthy, I'm married with a healthy, exuberant toddler. My hubby's job is stable and comfortable. I am not busy, quite the opposite. But I still had hurts, cuts that run deep.

I didn't realize how perfect I had become at avoiding.

When feelings ran high, I'd turn to earthly things, TV, Facebook, books, and just avoid feeling anything. By the time my Doctor Who episode was over I wouldn't feel the same. I had emptied all feelings and filled up on imaginary characters.

I would call it rest. Yet...I never felt rested. I felt stressed, exhausted, and not enough. And I thought it was just me, I just thought this was normal, that this was life. Happy was just a fluffy cookie, quickly and briefly experienced.

Bonnie Gray cut my heart to the quick. This wasn't rest, wasn't life, wasn't spiritual whitespace! God couldn't operate here.

I'm learning....I am SUCH a slow learner...that true rest and peace is found on the floor playing Little People with my daughter, it is found in actually looking at the trees and the grass, its found in not noticing the mess. Rest is found in a deep breath, in closed eyes and a quick prayer: "God, I'm here. Thank you. Fill me."

An hour of journaling doesn't need to be carved out. I don't need to wait to connect with God until my 'prayer space' is decorated, my candles are lit, and the baby is napping. I can be. I can relax. I can love and be loved here. Now. Where ever. Whenever.

I am finding my Spiritual Whitespace.
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